How to cure insomnia

How to Cure Insomnia for Childhood Trauma Survivors

I really think I’ve cracked the code. After researching and applying new techniques to cure insomnia for the last few months, I am finally seeing real progress. That’s the good news. The bad news is, it takes time. Remember, I’ve had insomnia for nearly fifty years. Habits that have gone on that long aren’t going to change overnight. But they are changing and that is what matters. I wish I had found this information years ago. Like everything in my life, childhood trauma has an impact. The previous three insomnia blogs have been about the why and how insomnia is connected to childhood trauma. It is finally time to deal with ways to cure it.  

The following story is a short recap. A few months ago, I made an overnight reservation for us and our grandkids at an indoor water park. In preparation for our trip, I needed to ask a simple question about where to store a cooler until we could check into a room. There ensued a maddening multi-layered phone tree that had no “cooler” option. The phone tree hung up on me. Anger lit up my brain. After calling back, I pushed the button for new reservations (you can always get through a phone tree when a company smells money) whereupon I waxed eloquent to the reservation staff about how infuriating their phone tree was. Once the cooler question was addressed, we ended the conversation on an upbeat note, but I could still feel anger coursing through my body. As I tried to work on this blog, I couldn’t even think. The surge of adrenaline continued to wash over me. I stopped, sat still, did some deep breathing and waited for anger to calm. It sounds ridiculous. The phone tree is not my enemy. It’s a stupid computer that someone has programmed inefficiently. It is not a threat. But the frustration is real and feelings of frustration trigger an automatic response of anger that often far outweighs the situation. This is just one small example of how childhood trauma affects me in pervasive ways. 

Why start with a story about anger when this is a blog about insomnia? Because this underlying and automatic system of threat response laid down in the early years of childhood  influence insomnia in adulthood. I’ve chosen three categories of change: body, mind and spirit. 

Body-The Physical Part of Insomnia

You cannot ignore the body if you want to heal insomnia, but as a trauma survivor, that is exactly what I have been trained to do. When chronic childhood abuse enters the picture, it makes an enemy of our body. We had no control over what was done to it and so we separate from it and even turn against it. The body with its needs, wants and desires becomes part of the problem. We see it as an obstacle. How many times have I raged at myself for not being able to sleep? Too many to count. What is wrong with me? Is my brain broken? Why does my body refuse to cooperate? Why won’t it sleep if sleep is an inherent need? And then, I am reduced to self-hatred, bitterness, frustration and anger. It’s just like the encounter with the water park phone tree. I’m raging at an enemy that doesn’t exist. If I am going to deal with insomnia, I do not need to conquer my body. I need to befriend it. 

I need to reframe the way I think about it. My body is sacred. It is what allows me to move around the world. It is what houses my thoughts, hopes and dreams. It is part of who I am—and it is good. I need to care for my body, not hate it. The physical part of curing insomnia is more than doing relaxation exercises. I must learn how to set the stage for sleep using something called sleep structure. 

The goal is to make bed a cue for sleep. Insomnia makes the bed an enemy. Even if you’re exhausted, the moment you get into bed, you suddenly become awake. You’ve spent so many hours frustrated in bed, your sleep environment has become a stimulus associated with insomnia. Another phrase that describes this phenomenon is negative sleep behavior.

The following are common types of negative sleep behavior:*

-sleeping in

-going to bed too early 

-spending too much time in bed awake

-sleeping pills

-putting too much effort in to sleep

So how do I get off the negative sleep track? There are four main areas to address. Both take time and consistency. 

1.The time you go to bed

2.How long you spend in bed

3.The time you wake up

4.What you do when you can’t sleep

Addressing these four areas creates sleep structure and gives your body the opportunity for sleep.

Mind-The Thought Process of Insomnia

Auto-Pilot

In trying to cope with insomnia, my mind has unconsciously formed habits that make it worse. Auto-pilot or splitting as some call it, is a way to go numb. I do it to get relief from spiraling thoughts. Late night numbing might include things like watching videos or eating. While these activities help in the short run, in the long run, they make insomnia worse. Instead of learning to let my mind wind down, I use high carb & sugary foods like a drug. Watching mind-numbing videos might anesthetize me until I’m exhausted, but it isn’t teaching my mind how to let go and sleep. 

Mind Sifting

I call this next bad sleep habit—mind sifting. Night is not the time to process the past or worry about a problem. Your defenses are down, and often, the body is in pain. The habit of sifting, whether you’re going through the past or worrying about the future causes trauma thoughts to grow louder. 

Negative Sleep Thoughts*

Negative sleep thoughts create stress around sleep which then cause negative sleep behaviors. I’m not talking about working harder at insomnia. I’m talking about creating a structure that leads to sleep and the first place to start is with your beliefs. 

Negative thoughts/beliefs about sleep:

I’m overtired and can’t fall asleep

I’ll never fall asleep again

I will always struggle with insomnia

The frustrating part is that these are normal responses to insomnia, but if you let them take over, they will make insomnia worse. They lead to hyper-arousal and all the behavior and destructive thought processes associated with trauma. 

What to do*

By shifting your beliefs (remember heart belief!) You recognize, then challenge, then replace those negative sleep thoughts with positive ones. I’m not talking about affirmations. I’m talking about shifting your beliefs to thoughts that are 100% true.  

Positive facts about sleep: 

My brain is not broken

I do not need to try harder to sleep. I need to create the possibility for sleep.

Sleep is a passive process

Spirit

The spirit. That deep, inner place where our thoughts, desires, hopes and dreams reside. The place most hurt by childhood trauma. Just as in my example from the water park phone tree story, managing everyday stress has everything to do with managing insomnia. If I consistently go through my day aroused by every frustration and difficulty, it is a sure bet I am going to struggle with insomnia that night. My spirit will be upset. I will not be able to live in peace or hope to relax. 

A key factor in resolving insomnia is learning how to manage and reduce daytime stress.* Otherwise, that stress will follow you into the evening and become night time stress. And all that stress correlates to insomnia. The more inner healing work a trauma survivor does, the better we get at managing insomnia. 

While overcoming insomnia is a complicated process, when you look at it as a whole, it is manageable. There is not a quick fix for insomnia, but there is a path and that’s what matters. Slow and steady wins the race. 

Make A Plan

Screens -As night time approaches, begin to shut down screens. Give yourself time to unwind from the stress of the day. 

Notebook - Keep a blank notebook handy. Write down any anxious thoughts that come to mind. You might have separate lists such as: Worries, To-Do List, Trauma Thoughts. Don’t invite the thought to stay. Write it down and tell yourself you will deal with it first thing in the morning. 

Meditation-Keeping your mind blank is impossible. Replace negative thoughts with restful, positive ones. I use scripture to help me do this. Prayer is another way. Perhaps a restful poem. Anything that feeds your mind and spirit while helping you to relax. Whatever causes your mind to race and become aroused is something to save for the next day.

Mind/Body Relaxation Exercises - Such as those included with the downloads will help make a positive mind/body connection and prepare you for sleep. 

When You Can’t Sleep -choose an activity like a craft or book that is pleasurable but not stimulating. Listen to a sleepy story. Don’t do things like clean out the refrigerator or plan a new painting. That may be fun, but it will keep you up even longer.  

Shifts*

Shift 1- Understand the real cause for insomnia. Don’t concentrate on triggers ie: depression, stress. Triggers lead to the cycle of poor sleep. Example: negative sleep thoughts=negative sleep behaviors= more poor sleep etc. The problem isn’t the trigger. It is our behavior in response to that trigger.

Shift 2- External sleeping pills do not treat insomnia. They only treat the symptoms and interfere with the normal sleep cycle and REM sleep. They are also addictive and come with side effects. Using external things to manage insomnia undermines self management.

Shift 3-Make your bed a cue for sleep. The bed has become an enemy for sleep instead of an ally. Our sleep environment has become a cue for arousal because of the hours we’ve spent tossing and turning.

Shift 4-Remove effort from trying to sleep. The conscious mind gets in the way of sleep. Sleep is an unconscious process. Trying leads to bad sleep behaviors. Effort causes hyper-arousal. The key is to create conditions that make effortless sleep possible. 

Two ingredients are needed for effortless sleep: 

1)Enough sleep pressure (ready for sleep)  

2)Relaxed enough for sleep.

I’m making major progress toward a good night’s sleep! Just one more way to defy trauma and embrace joy! If you would like to receive a free sleep packet, email me at: hello@defytraumaembracejoy.com  Sign up for a free trauma informed newsletter at: 

https://authorrebekahbrown.com/

* Concepts are taken from Dr. Steve Orma’s “Put Insomnia to Sleep” program.  Please use the link below for more free information

https://www.youtube.com/@PutInsomniaToBed/featured

Another sleep resource: 

https://www.bethkendall.com/mind-body-sleep