what is life management?
In general terms, life management is a framework for living. Do you feel constantly under pressure? Are you always short of time? At the end of the day, do you almost always feel like you haven’t accomplished anything? Those are the types of struggles life management will address.
The unspoken truth about trauma and its affect on daily life
Trauma has a driven quality that affects everything about trying to manage your life. Relationship trauma is especially insidious. Deep betrayal causes a deep fear of trusting other people. I could never let down my guard long enough to let my mind, body or soul rest. When faced with challenges at work, I became a workaholic. Endlessly going over details then forgetting things that were requirements. I started every day with overwhelming anxiety. Fear of failure, fear I would “be found out,” filled me with terror I kept quiet by dissociating—the same way I learned to dissociate from abuse as a child. Life management? That did not enter into my thinking. More like life survival. And I wasn’t doing all that well with that.
Five reasons why a daily routine is important
Life management brings structure to our behavior and more importantly to our thoughts and emotions. We enter into the rhythm of life and bring rhythm into our day effectively dismantling the driven quality and power of trauma. Instead of life managing us, we begin to manage our life. Daily routine is important because:
1. Establishes expectations
2. Creates calm
3. Shrinks the to-do list into a manageable size
4. Sets you free from the tyranny of trauma
5. Gives you a sense of accomplishment at the end of every day
How does trauma affect your life?
I had just accepted a position as choral director for a small high school in the mountains of Virginia. The former teacher was forced to retire due to ALS and the students were traumatized from the grief. A yearly performance trip to Disney World had long been established and the big question as soon as I arrived became, “are you good enough to get us to Florida?” The pressure was excruciating. It was my very first teaching position in a public setting and I would have to help the students raise tens of thousands of dollars to pay for the trip, prepare a performance and teach five other classes with two community wide performances expected from all the students. I still shudder with anxiety when I think about it.
Suffering from terrible childhood trauma, I dissociated in a gigantic way. Pushing parenting, marriage, anxiety and trauma to the bottom, I focused on surviving the year and getting to Florida. Money raised, performance polished, we won first place and performed onstage at the Magic Kingdom.
I arrived home a wreck. There was no life management involved. There are no happy memories associated with that accomplishment. I had no framework to my life—and no way to manage any of the effects of trauma. In the coming weeks, we’re going to go on a life-changing journey toward life management. It’s a new way to live and it is going to be a springboard to defy trauma and embrace joy! Let’s get started! Next week’s blog: The Life Management Skill of A Schedule.
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