The dread part 6-how to banish the dread, mercy

I met a new friend on my late night walks with Tiny, my chihuahua. Her name is Baby and she’s a six pound tan and white chihuahua. She is really little, even compared to my ten pound, so-named Tiny. In general, Tiny likes those of his own kind, so the owner, who was traveling in a golf cart around our retirement community, stopped to say hello. There was Baby riding high in her own little crate on the front seat. She had the brightest eyes and sweetest face I ever saw. Almost as if she were smiling. The owner put her wriggling body on the ground and that was when I noticed something was wrong.

Baby had a withered foot. Due to a birth defect, Baby’s front paw had not developed correctly, and she was forced to learn to make her way in the world on three legs instead of four. I’m a sucker for dogs anyway, but I couldn’t help but be drawn in by her story. She was a rescue no one wanted. Her owner said the breeder was going to put her down until her now owner intervened.

As I watched sweet little Baby romp and play with Tiny, I was so glad someone had shown her mercy. In fact, the owner said Baby had saved her life and pulled her out of depression. You should have seen Baby cuddle up on her owner’s chest. She did just fine with three legs. In fact, her disability had made her an excellent therapy dog. Those who were suffering immediately saw a kindred spirit. I know I did. I looked at my wheelchair and then at Baby’s withered leg. She encouraged me.

When you look at the little child inside, you also have a disability of sorts. In a way, it's worse than a wheelchair or a withered leg because no one can see it. And it never leaves you. Not for one minute of one day. 

I felt kindness and sympathy for Baby when I met her. I felt generosity and compassion for her. I wanted to take her in my arms and protect her from all the mean and evil people who might do her harm. This, friends is mercy.

This same mercy shown to a lowly little helpless creature is the same mercy we need to show to ourselves. Whether it is the little child inside or the frustrated adult. For many years I hated the child inside. She bore the burden of all the abuse. If I could keep her away from me, I would not have to feel all that pain. I continued to be my own abuser, demanding perfection, becoming outraged when things didn’t go my way. And all the while, that innocent little child stood far away in the corner. Neglected, abused, hurt and unloved. You wouldn’t do such a thing to Baby, the little three-legged chihuahua would you? Stop doing it to yourself. 

I looked up the definition of the word Mercy—compassion or forgiveness shown toward someone whom it is within one's power to punish or harm. Our abusers are no longer in the driver’s seat. Now we have the power to show mercy to ourselves. Here are just a few synonyms. We would do well to practice them all. Leniency, compassion, grace, charity, forgiveness, forbearance, humanity, mildness, tenderness, kindness, tolerance.

The circles of healing begin with truth which then leads us to our emotions. After that, we enter the circle of mercy. Mercy, towards ourselves. With each pass through each circle, healing goes deeper and deeper and The Dread grows less and less powerful. Be deeply kind and generous to yourself. You have been through enough. Parent yourself as you wish you had been parented. Be merciful to yourself as you go about your day. Breath. You lived through it. Now heal and defy trauma, embrace joy.